CLOWNERY: A PRIMER TO HEARTBREAKS!

 

PART 2

If you are a believer in love, then you sure must know that it is one of the most beautiful emotions when handled right. However, its charm works like a drug, probably the most fucked up of them all, as you can’t control who you love and worst of all, there is no rehabilitation center if you overdose on it or become an addict altogether. Mejja in his most recent depiction of lyrical prowess in the hitsong “Kalale”, spits nothing but venom to those men who find themselves entangled in this seemingly mysterious web when he says;” Ukirushwa manzi kalale, compe ni compe roho safi.” On that morning, and in that moment, I exclusively fell into this category and maybe I would have heeded to his advice, just that it wasn’t there. The images sent to me were crushing me piece by piece as I hoped they were nothing but a show of proper photo shopping skill and intellect pieced up by the vicious agents of “mtachana tu”. But no, it wasn’t, at least this time round it was the master, “utaachwa tu” or rather “ulishaachwa tu” taking center stage. I could feel the kiss from where I was seated as my alcoholic tears socked the bedbug infested mattress at least just to notify the blood soldiers that their primary feeder was in no mood for sucking at least for the rest of that day.

Wait, maybe you don’t get it! This was my so called girlfriend kissing another guy, both of their eyes blinded by passion, and capturing the wholesomely perfect moment. It was then that it all dawned on me how much we had actually shared over and above the sheets just to get the vibe and energy to capture a perfect kiss on camera. The thought alone drenched off any remaining alcoholic content in my body, but surprisingly, I was neither sober nor drunk, no!! For the very first time I was heartbroken and believe you me, I would have traded whatever I was feeling with either drunkenness or sobriety because it was unbearable.

Well, as the book of clownery chapter 1 verse 2 to 4 says, “believe her even if she is lying because her word is greater than any evidence you have.” As I approached her on this journey to our end, I kept on referring to this holy book, as I hoped there could still be a second chance. One reply led to another and paragraphs were soon overflowing, and for the very fast time the Cheetah was seemingly running away from the antelope. What struck me most in this exchange was that she was more interested in who had concealed her most priced secret than the contents of the secret or even mending the secret altogether. She even insisted that she had made plans of her own to inform me of her seemingly eventful escapades and yet for the previous three months she never wanted me to visit her cause she was in a “bad place”, a place bad enough to accommodate a hyena it seemed. In fact they were two, one unknown to me but the other a close confidant.

Finally, I got off that conversation and got out of bed and I walked straight to a friend’s room and vented out to her as she watched in sympathy. She could not find the words to soothe my soul probably because she had been in the same situation a year earlier and she knew too well that the pain needed no soothing nor description cause there was none. In the days to come, she became my therapist and advised me here and there just to ensure I retained my sanity, as I battled through my deeply struck clownery to let go and stop using alcohol as an excuse to try and rekindle a flame that was no longer mine. Unknown to us, on that day of heartbreaks and tears, we sparked another journey. Well, today marks three years on our official journey and I’m glad that despite the Lord shutting the door to my heart, He kept the window open. Anyways, if you love, love! don’t just be a clown at it cause even a room full of mirrors won’t show you the reflection of stupidity and foolishness in your very face.

TIME TELLS IT ALL

PART 1

The beauty of time is one that amazes me every time a second passes by; what’s even more interesting is the whole imagination of how this phenomenon takes place. Wait! Let’s take a sip and visualize this whole concept and try to integrate it to reality. Amazing, Right? Well, the beauty of all this takes me three years down the line back in 2017, a year I’d say showed me storms and shadows and a bright spark at the very end.

Just as tradition dictates, we were out drinking on that Friday night as we let off some steam in readiness for our end year exams in the week to come, our club of choice; Sabina Joy. Well, the club just as the name insinuates did not disappoint for “joy” was all over and any man fruitful enough would have had his fair share of this holy fruit. Some of my friends got lucky and in fact they did not have to go up the tree to have a taste of Sabina’s fruit, instead, the fruit obligingly adhered to Newton’s law of universal gravitation and landed motionlessly under their drought infested trees which would sure do with some wetness lest they die of thirst. In the midst of all these, I was seated at the far right corner of the club ”tumbling” down my emotions as I stared thoughtfully at the blinding lights, nothing but my Joy in mind. She was as many would put it, a sight to fathom; a lady blessed both from the rear and front views with equally complementary side views. She was a beauty!  For months, she had been the lady in my heart, queening her way through my auricles and ventricles, just to establish her dominant undying love for me. I was hers and she was mine and every time we pictured our future, it was nothing but pure bliss, with lots of love and heartwarming fantasies. However, as destiny would dictate it, just after about 8 months, she relocated into my mind, even without a one month’s notice and an application for her newly found residence. She sure adjusted quickly enough and that’s why even on that night I couldn’t stop thinking about her and trying to piece up the reason for her sudden change of heart.

Well, just as the proponents of the “mtaachana tu” school of thought had it, my fate had been sealed and a pandemic of prime tears awaited me early the next morning. If tragic was a period it would have been that morning for me. As I stared into those pictures, I wished I had not picked that call up!! In that moment I was the clown, very stupid in love, not knowing the weight that those five seconds of pain had in directing me to my destined path, a path I tread on to date.

To be continued……..

WAYNING WITH THE ANGELS

The 9^th of August is one of those days I’d wish wasn’t part of the calendar. It’s a day of reflection, pain, sorrow, and most of all regret. Well, time and tide waits for no man, and as sure as the wise men were, it waited for none of us. The other man in question, a 22 year old “light skin” luhya (as many would jokingly put it), now the late. This time round, he was not late for evening preps so that I could print his name down among the latecomers, no not all. He was not even late for meals or late to join in at party, no. for the first and only time on that fateful day, he became late in life, and worst of all he did not come out of it alive despite the struggles to be on time, he was unable, his angels had knocked for 22 good years and now it was their time to dine and shine with their very own.

Confidently so, I’d say he was the extroverted type. A man who would mingle and jingle with literally anyone regardless of social class and background. His personality was sure one to dine with the Muraya’s at night and still get up and play hide and seek deep in the dark alleys of Kibera with the less privilaged. Best of all, he was a lover of the bottle, and occasionally made peace with his ancestors as he ensured they had a taste of the fine whiskey in hand. I remember one time he burst into my room almost balancing on his toes and almost simultaneously, he sent out a trajectory of smoke signals just as a mere sign of in-depth relationship with Jah.

Well, I’d be lying if I said he was perfect, he sure had a downside, lots of them in fact. However, his flaws are beyond us for now and it’s upon the Almighty to meditate if he truly delivered on his journey as Wayne Makwata.