CLOWNERY: A PRIMER TO HEARTBREAKS!

 

PART 2

If you are a believer in love, then you sure must know that it is one of the most beautiful emotions when handled right. However, its charm works like a drug, probably the most fucked up of them all, as you can’t control who you love and worst of all, there is no rehabilitation center if you overdose on it or become an addict altogether. Mejja in his most recent depiction of lyrical prowess in the hitsong “Kalale”, spits nothing but venom to those men who find themselves entangled in this seemingly mysterious web when he says;” Ukirushwa manzi kalale, compe ni compe roho safi.” On that morning, and in that moment, I exclusively fell into this category and maybe I would have heeded to his advice, just that it wasn’t there. The images sent to me were crushing me piece by piece as I hoped they were nothing but a show of proper photo shopping skill and intellect pieced up by the vicious agents of “mtachana tu”. But no, it wasn’t, at least this time round it was the master, “utaachwa tu” or rather “ulishaachwa tu” taking center stage. I could feel the kiss from where I was seated as my alcoholic tears socked the bedbug infested mattress at least just to notify the blood soldiers that their primary feeder was in no mood for sucking at least for the rest of that day.

Wait, maybe you don’t get it! This was my so called girlfriend kissing another guy, both of their eyes blinded by passion, and capturing the wholesomely perfect moment. It was then that it all dawned on me how much we had actually shared over and above the sheets just to get the vibe and energy to capture a perfect kiss on camera. The thought alone drenched off any remaining alcoholic content in my body, but surprisingly, I was neither sober nor drunk, no!! For the very first time I was heartbroken and believe you me, I would have traded whatever I was feeling with either drunkenness or sobriety because it was unbearable.

Well, as the book of clownery chapter 1 verse 2 to 4 says, “believe her even if she is lying because her word is greater than any evidence you have.” As I approached her on this journey to our end, I kept on referring to this holy book, as I hoped there could still be a second chance. One reply led to another and paragraphs were soon overflowing, and for the very fast time the Cheetah was seemingly running away from the antelope. What struck me most in this exchange was that she was more interested in who had concealed her most priced secret than the contents of the secret or even mending the secret altogether. She even insisted that she had made plans of her own to inform me of her seemingly eventful escapades and yet for the previous three months she never wanted me to visit her cause she was in a “bad place”, a place bad enough to accommodate a hyena it seemed. In fact they were two, one unknown to me but the other a close confidant.

Finally, I got off that conversation and got out of bed and I walked straight to a friend’s room and vented out to her as she watched in sympathy. She could not find the words to soothe my soul probably because she had been in the same situation a year earlier and she knew too well that the pain needed no soothing nor description cause there was none. In the days to come, she became my therapist and advised me here and there just to ensure I retained my sanity, as I battled through my deeply struck clownery to let go and stop using alcohol as an excuse to try and rekindle a flame that was no longer mine. Unknown to us, on that day of heartbreaks and tears, we sparked another journey. Well, today marks three years on our official journey and I’m glad that despite the Lord shutting the door to my heart, He kept the window open. Anyways, if you love, love! don’t just be a clown at it cause even a room full of mirrors won’t show you the reflection of stupidity and foolishness in your very face.